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“No,” I said, “It’s not that, or at least I don’t think so.”She sniffled a bit, nodded and opened her door. I followed her in, and as we sat on the couch we turned slightly towards each other and I took her hands in mine.I said, “Stella, I’m very attracted to you, but, I’m very straight and have no interest in sex with a guy, and I don’t know what kind of a future there is for us in any sort of an intimate relationship.”“I understand, Ralph,” she said, “but maybe we could work something out?”“The problem as I see it, Stella, is I could maybe close my eyes and shall we say, accept certain sexual favors from you, but I know that I could never reciprocate, and I don’t feel that is fair to you.”“Why don’t you let me decide what’s fair for me?”Well, that put the ball squarely in my court. Could I see myself having sex with a guy, even if from my perspective it wasn’t “gay” sex?“Stella, I think I’m going to need a little time to process this.”“I understand, Ralph, but please don’t take too. I run, as much from myself as you. But you follow, hot on my heels. Why? I don’t know, but that you do spurs me on. Your determined pursuit reminds me that I am worth something, there must be something for you not to let me get away. I run faster — feeling — wild, wanting to shed these feelings, these barriers to my happiness. And then I am fleeing through the trees, darting back and forth, branches catch at my dress, tearing it away. You’re close now, I imagine your breath on my neck, like that of a wolf, hungry for prey. My senses are heightened, I am becoming more of me, more of now, less of the creature chained to society, the bonds of time and civility and responsibility. ‘Girl! This is enough!’ I feel your fingers on my shoulder and more of my dress falls away, my yolk of shame falling with it, and now it is only the chase, the exhilaration of the hunt. I hear your curse, my frown of concentration is lifted as I slip again from your grasp. I laugh — I am a wild thing,.
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